My Fight with Depression

Wednesday, 13 August 2014

Hey Honeybees!

Today's post is going to be different to my usual Chatter. With the recent sad loss of Robin Williams I thought that I would share my expierence and struggle with depression.

Lets start with a definition of what Depression is, Here is how Mind describe it:

"We often use the expression ‘I feel depressed’ when we’re feeling sad or miserable about life. Usually, these feelings pass in due course. But, if the feelings are interfering with your life and don't go away after a couple of weeks, or if they come back, over and over again, for a few days at a time, it could be a sign that you're depressed in the medical sense of the term.
In its mildest form, depression can mean just being in low spirits. It doesn't stop you leading your normal life, but makes everything harder to do and seem less worthwhile. At its most severe, major depression (clinical depression) can be life-threatening, because it can make you feel suicidal or simply give up the will to live."

There is nothing that annoys me more than when someone who is a bit sad or fed up say that they are "Depressed". Depression is a chemical imbalance! The fact you can't go out on a Saturday night  or somewhere has sold out of your favourite dress is not depression! 
Not everyone agrees that it is a chemical imbalance of course there are many reasons experts think we become depressed. 
Some suggest life events can trigger depression such as, loss, divorce and being sacked. Other things they suggest can cause Depression are Physical illness such as Thyroid problems and sleep problems. Whereas Others suggest poor diet and exercise, drinking alcohol or taking drugs as things that contribute to depression.
People seem to think there has to be a reason for being depressed but I have no clue why I have it. I was made redundant but that was a year before I became depressed. It also seems to run in my family. As well as myself, my Mum and Sister have it, my Dad did have it and so did my Brother before he passed away.  
Depression isn't a simple thing to explain everyone goes through something different. For me I wake up and I feel doom, like there is a black cloud over me or someone has thrown a black blanket over me. I feel hopeless like there is nothing I can do to help myself. It feels like the whole world is against me that nothing I ever do will be any good. I'm  very critical towards myself I hate the way I look, the fact I'm not good at anything. I've tried so many things and failed, I feel like there is no purpose to me, I often think why am I here. 

Other feelings I have include:
  • I feel restless and agitated
  • I get tearful easily
  • I feel numb, empty and full of despair
  • I am irritable or impatient a lot of the time
  • I find no pleasure in life or things I usually enjoy
One of the main things I suffer with is lack of Motivation. When you are depressed things like getting dressed or washing your hair, takes so much effort and sometimes the effort is too great and I just don't bother.

Depression also affects my Behaviour towards people, these include:
Avoiding social events I usually enjoy
Not doing activities I usually enjoy
My physical symptoms include;
  • I have difficulty sleeping
  • I am sleeping much more than usual
  • I feel tired and have no energy
  • I eat a lot more than I should.
  • I have physical aches and pains with no obvious physical cause
Thoughts I may have include;

  • I am having difficulty remembering things
  • I find it hard to concentrate or make decisions
  • I blame myself a lot and feel guilty about things
  • I have no self-confidence or self-esteem
  • I am having a lot of negative thoughts
  • The future seems bleak
  • What’s the point?
People who are depressed often have anxiety as well – the two problems often occur together, and each can make the other worse. I know my anxiety makes my depression worse, when I can't do something like go to a party when I'm anxious, this in turn makes me depressed.
Suicidal thoughts are part of depression I've had thoughts like I wish I wasn't here or I wish I hadn't been born. For others their thoughts are a lot worse and some people turn those thoughts unfortunately into a reality.
The trouble with depression is it's not like a physical illness like a broke leg, people can understand that. You can't see depression so a lot of people don't understand telling you to pull yourself together or have a cup of tea.
Depression to me is like a battle everyday, sometimes I win sometimes I don't, but the point is to keep trying. There is help out there whether it's medicine or counselling. I take fleuoxitine and have had CBT which have helped but they're not a cure. 
You can get better and learn to cope with depression with help. Please don't give up, if you feel depressed or lonely tell someone. Go and see your Doctor, Depression is nothing to be ashamed of, it doesn't mean you're a weak person, if anything you are strong for coping with depressions symptoms. Depression doesn't discriminate you can be poor or rich, famous or not ,depression can strike anyone. You are worthwhile we all are, together we can get through the darkness. 


There are lots of places that can help, your first stop is your Doctors surgery.

Here are some other places to look for help:

If you would like to leave a comment maybe you could tell us what helps you with coping with depression.

Thanks for reading. xx

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